After the character generation and successful defence of our Goblin hovel last session we were on a high….it didn’t last long.

The session started late due to a discussion about The Dark Knight Rises and the fun we’ve been having playing multi-player Mine Craft on the Xbox.  I will post about this later as it will be a subject all on its own.  Anyway back to the session….

The session did not start well.  We are having difficulty coming up with plans to defend the cave against the hero intruders.

• Digg a pit – It’s a stone mountain
• Sharpe pointy sticks in the ground to slow them down – It’s a stone mountain  how do you stick them in the ground.
• Pile rocks above the cave entrance to drop on them when then try to enter – How do you carry them you’re a weak goblin.
• Get logs to go above the doorway to drop on them – They’re too heavy.
• Put the captured Bugbear in the cave entrance to act as a warning system – How do you put the stake in the ground, it’s a stone mountain!

In the end the best thing we could come up with was to put some Goblins on watch for the adventures and have extra Goblins to act as runners.  Two drums were made for the Goblin lookouts and we waited for the adventures to return.  It didn’t take long, “Out House” saw movement and started to beat a warning on the drum. He got taken out instantly by an adventures arrow to the forehead, well I say instantly but in reality he was taken down to -6 hit points and bled out three rounds later.

My other Goblin, “Specs”, made a run for it to warn the Goblins in the cave about the approaching doom.  He was hit in the back by a Magic Missile, 1 hit point left, but was able to make it to the entrance to warn the next runner.  He then had a one on one battle with the female adventure and was turned into a Goblin Kebab.

The next runner made it a little further but was taken out by an arrow of seeking fired from outside the cave.  This left the Goblins without any warning that a bunch of adventures we’re on their way.

The adventures headed into the cave and the head of our tribe was killed, we all made a run for it.  ”Butt Hole” fired a stone at movement coming out of the head Goblins Cave, only to nearly take the head off a players Wizard Goblin who was making a quick exit.  The Wizard in turn commanded him to sleep and rolled a 2 on 1D4 so “Butt Hole” was out of the battle for 2 hours.  My other two Goblins we’re left on guard at the main entrance as they didn’t know what had happened inside as all the goblins left via the secret entrance by the waterfall.

The majority of the Goblins stopped in the wood at the bottom of the mountain where we went through the process of selecting a new leader.  This involved binding together the left wrists of the two strongest Goblins and seeing which one made it out alive.  ”Gobs” became the new leader and he sent a bunch of Goblins back to see what had happened in the cave.

“Butt Hole” woke up and found himself alone and abandoned in the main cavern of the cave and could not make the Goblins guarding the main entrance believe him when he told them the cave was empty.  At this point the group sent by the new leader turned up and the session ended.

It was hard going last night it had to be said.  The Goblins are very underpowered and just trying to do simple things become a pain in the arse.  Everything we wanted to do becomes an issue and there’s always something that stops us from doing it.  It’s hard to be green and I feel it’s killing the fun we could be having…

So here’s the memorial to the brave Goblins that fell in our Reverse Dungeon Adventure:

Fallen Goblins

Session One

Shit Eater – Decapitated by a woman

Session Two

Out House – Stopped an arrow with his head

Specs – Tangled with a woman who was too much to handle

Ball – Didn’t know that arrows could go around corners?

 

 

System : AD&D 2nd Edition

Well we are under way with out Reverse Dungeon adventure and its time to get our Goblin thinking caps on…

After the incredibly easy character creation we took our five Goblins out for a spin.  After a quick description of the Tribes home cave we were thrown into the session.

Farting around in the Goblin Cave

The first thing was to get into our new Goblin skins and how better than to just let us get on with it…

Queue up taking the piss out of each other but with stupid high squeaky voices and then winding up the Head Goblins.  In the end it was decided that we are always in the mindset, so the DM proceed to call us into a meeting with the head Goblin.

The search for comrades

It turned out the tribes hunting party had not returned.  The Head Goblin was getting concerned as he was hungry and his stomach had started making funny noises.  No-one knew where they’d gone and no-one really cared that they were missing.  Hell they’re only Goblins, he would have eaten his own mother if she wasn’t as rubbery as old leather.

So we were sent out to find food and give the hunting party the hurry up treatment (read “kick up the arse”).  So not having any idea where we’re going, we stepped out into the night and proceeded to wander around aimlessly.  After a few minutes of picking our nose and stabbing bushes we decided to hike it around the hill.

At the base of the hill on the west side we spotted a river that decided to investigate.  River = Fish = Food = Goblins go that way.  One of the Goblin rode his shield down the hill like a sledge (F*cking Legolas you elfy b*stard).  When we arrived at the river we were met with an interesting sight…

Heading to the river only to be beheaded

Next to the river we found five goblin bodies that had all been beheaded.  After we all calmed down, due to panic over the possibility of a disease that makes your head drop off, we each grabbed a leg each and dragged them back to the cave.  I was intent on eating them but apparently Goblins don’t eat their own.

The meeting of the heads

Oh goody, another meeting of the Goblins was called and we all stood around listening to the old git drivel on about more stuff…

Blah! Blah!… Heroes… Blah! Blah!… Clearing out Goblin caves (poor bastards)… Blah! Blah!… Silver piece per ear…Blah! Blah!… and you lot are on guard duty… Blah! Blah!… NO YOU CAN’T EAT YOUR FALLEN FRIENDS

Hang on what was that about guard duty?… BALLS!

Guard this shit pit with your lives

Yep, we were put on guard duty at the main entrance of our cave.  Queue up more alone time where we were allowed to prep for the heroes that were bound to come looking for our ears.  So what did we do?  Anyone like to take a guess?

(you made traps and things to protect your cave?) 

Oh, close but no Goblin giblets.  We DID honestly think about it…. but decided it was more fun to play about in our Goblin persona.  We had the idea of sticking up the bodies of our fallen comrades on spikes to confuse the heroes…  then realised they didn’t have heads.  In the end we decided to use their intestines as trip wires or to string them across the entrance so that anyone entering would get a nasty wet surprise.

So we were in the going through the actions of getting this ready, but I think the DM was losing his temper when we started to blow up the stomach lining to see when it would pop.  This scene is easy to imagine, just think two goblins, one stomach. (Eeeeeeew!)

Anyway as I said I think the DM was at the end of his tether at this point and the adventures attacked the cave….

Enter the Heroes… Exit the Goblins.

Through the entrance of the cave came a Human female fighter, a Human male fighter, a Dwarf and an Elven Wizard…

As soon as the heroes entered the cave Shit Eater made a run for it.  He was off like a professional sprinter after getting tipped off about a drugs test…

All hell broke loose, except for Shit Eater who was still accelerating at the time.  The woman got past us and took after the fleeing Goblin.  The Human Male got hit in the head by Out House and was then set upon by two Goblins trying to choke him with intestines they had at hand.  The Elven Wizard sent two Goblins to sleep and there was an exchange of blows.

At this point Shit Eater decided he wasn’t going to be able to make a clean getaway with the Human Female chasing him. He decided to turn around and tried to flee past her.  Bad decision… decapitated in an instant.

The Human Male started to die at this point and the adventures realised that one silver piece an ear was not as much as it sounded in the Pub (Or the DM thought you were all going to end up dead).  They made a run for it.  Out House got to ride the Dwarf like a rodeo around the entrance before being flung off and the heroes made a quick exit to lick their wounds.

I have a feeling they may be back